November 2012
1 post
NOW ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS FOR ISSUE 3
THAT’S RIGHT. JESUS IS RELEASING A NEW ISSUE. IT’LL BE OUT JANUARY 1ST AND THE DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS IS DECEMBER 21ST.
September 2012
16 posts
SECOND ISSUE OUT NOW. SCROLL DOWN BITCHES.
Murdoch LaMarche
I could discover a plant in Uruguay that completely cures aids I could isolate a protein in plankton that could be made into a food cheap enough to end world hunger forever I could dedicate my entire life to helping the sick in some impoverished nation I could write a book that completely changes everyone on earth’s life for the better I could commit to aiding in geopolitical discourse and...
FEATURED NOOB OF ALT LIT. KELLIE HOGAN.
Louis Stevens and the Ice Bucket of Destiny.
READ IT GUYS THIS SHIT IS GOOD AND KELLIE HOGAN ROCKS.
i live in canada and am 20 years old but feel and act 16 at best. my pride and joy is the magazine i co-founded with my best friend: inconnu (inconnumag.com)
Daniel Alexander
college degrees
college degrees i would get if they were real
a college degree exclusively focusing on the geography of the legend of zelda: ocarina of time
a college degree dedicated for studying nickelodeon slime
a college degree teaching you how to cyber bully government officials
a college degree focused on the fashion of people in grand theft auto
a college degree over the different...
Michael Andrew
all day long her cunt or her arse is being constantly eaten by visiting carnival men when she showers in the morning her cunt is being eaten as she takes her breakfast whilst reading the morning news her cunt is being eaten she takes her exercise as her arse is being eaten a friend calls over for lunch and her arse is still being eaten she paints a portrait of her deceased father as her cunt is...
Tyler Langlois
renttandembicycles.com i made a list of things we could do this summer but instead you broke up with me while you were on vacation a different country i still have the page to rent tandem bicycles on the boardwalk bookmarked on my laptop we could have rolled down really big hills and had a picnic there’s a really big hill around the corner from my house its the same one we went sledding...
Chase Kersey
the amount of songs i listen to is inversely proportionate to the tears that i am collecting in the mason jar that i keep on my window sill
i want to be falling down stairs with you until the sun and the earth meet
there is a place that i’ve been that is not quite like other places
and i think you could sport a nice summerdress
and i could wear a summer suit
and we could go there in the...
Austin Islam
if this is going somewhere let it go
i took a swig of wild turkey by the pool offered me by an agreeable groomsman smoked a second cigarette right after i think elliott smith is my best friend i think brandon flowers is a good friend i think mike mogis would be too
if this is going somewhere let it go or don’t, i don’t know, i don’t care lmao i’m lying, nothing could be better i am eating...
Winky Luftlecker
In lieu of advice from my father or mother
I give myself advice
“Compete.
Feel other people cumming.
Spend your life’s savings.
Don’t give advice.”
The second point was the topic of my 7th grade science fair project
I created an apparatus to simulate the physiological
Effects of a female orgasm on my own brain
The apparatus cost 320 dollars to construct which
I...
Joe Bussiere
theology bitch reached She said one of his students Students said: (Closed) Food three-dimensional most of puzzles (C) dissolution while the face face (Output) uterus from birth (Internet Explorer has completely changed people’s lives, abortion) The reduction to a thank but free (The focus is less a natural language) bitter hatred of Re-god (Old theology of loss).
...
Marty McAndrews
your name is tattooed on the inside of my eyelids
your name is tattooed on my knuckles upside down
i found your name in the rings of a tree but not a tree the stump of a tree
your name was idling in my itunes search bar unsure what to do
not sure what to listen to to feel better or worse about things
your name is a flaming pentagram in a 7-11 parking lot just waiting for a ritual to...
Moon Tzu
-stones- so we sit in her back garden at night well you sit because the bench only has room for two and i stand as she chain smokes (breathing grey onto black) and complains about egotistical people whilst admitting to having bought fifty shades of grey i sigh and stand awkwardly with my weight all on one foot and you will say something which would imply i am pretentious about books we all sigh...
Pamilton Skyy
I have three pieces I’d like to submit: 1) Streetlights you cupped my misery in your hand and threw it into my face, splashing me like cold water. “Buck up,” you said, “the worlds a bucket full of shit.” breathing in it’s tangy stench I rejoiced that I had something worth breathing, clarity. I blinked. you took my hand, interlaced fingers. One misery-drenched,...
Moon Temple
i feel like i want to pull all my hair out
strand by strand
until i am bald
which actually probably wouldn’t hurt that bad
if you think about it
it would hurt less than getting all your hair pulled out at once
it’s physics, or something
it would be agonizingly slow, i suppose
but so is getting a tattoo
and tattoos hurt worse
...
SECOND ISSUE OUT IN 5 MINUTES DONT POOP YOURSELVES
SECOND ISSUE OUT ON SEPT 17TH.
THATS RIGHT THE SECOND ISSUE IS OUT ON SEPT 17TH. ENJOY ALL OF YOU.
JESUS IS COMMING AGAIN WITH SOME GREAT LITEREATURE GUYS. YOU WILL LOVE IT.
July 2012
23 posts
ISSUE ONE OUT NOW
THAT’S RIGHT THE LORD HAS CUM AGAIN BRINGING WITH HIM UNICORNS OF HIPSTERNESS AND THESE AWESOME WORKS OF ART. ISSUE NUMBER ONE IS OUT NOW. JESUS AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY EVERYTHING AND ORGASM AT LEAST TWICE WHILE READING. JUST SCROLL DOWN TO BEGIN THE EXPERIENCE
HIPSTERJESUSUNICORN.TUMBLR.COM
Beach Sloth
Cock-blocking just got a whole lotCockier
Oh boy was he excited the day hadfinally arrived
He was going to make love to hissister for the ninth time
Was it incest? Who can tell? Notlike he believed in hell
He put on romantic music Slipknot tohit that spot
To amuse her he smacked the cockagainst a kitchen countertop
He was ready to regale her andimpale her
With his cocked cocky cock
The two...
Amelia Gillis
a family full
graces perfectly scarlet bob told me to tell you our arms run in the blood every outside compliment about our warm bunny hugs whispers “you have had infinity conveyor belts of perfect love amongst 45 degree angle trees and the middle part of the roof above the sunflower singing You Are My board games with antique handwriting yellow floral blanket sictom photoshoots you are my ...
Keith Higginbotham
___________________________________________________________
homage to eryk wenziak
Mao
hydrogen
Untitled 16 Jan 12
kicker
Keith Higginbotham is a poet and visual artist whose work has recently appeared in A-Minor, Apocrifa, Moria, and Ototlths. He is the author of Calibration (Argotist Ebooks, 2011), Theme From Next Date (Ten Pages Press, 2011) and Prosaic Suburban Commercial...
Joe Vaughan
Clair Sprenger
frankenstein bra
30 lbs. and a cup size down so I sew but you can’t be proud I’m proud, and that matters not you. You stopped mattering for the past week as I leave our friendship on hold to work 16 hours each day and sew this bra. Now you’ll find this poem on Tumblr and expect me to open up, even though I already told you I’m not talkative because I’m focused on sewing this bra to fit my new...
Chase Kersey
Rare and vulgar like someone you know
Ok look if you have to know what love is
Imagine someone grabbing your
Throat.
and not in a good way.
like aggressive.
they grab it and all of the sudden
your parents walk in
but hold the phone.
NOT YOUR PARENTS.
hey they are giant ant people.
they then are grabbing you up
with claws as big as HELL.
they take you back
(back to their ant...
Thom
VERY DISTANT
WOW POLYTHEISM, TRULY GRAND, A TRUE GRAND NARRATIVE WHICH THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN BELIEVE IN////////////////////
I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DON’T SELL IT AT JML YET
TOMORROW I BUY TICKETS FOR A TRIP TO A PLACE CALLED:
”V E R Y D I S T A N T”
I HOPE MY MONEY FEELS GOOD IN SOMEONE ELSES HANDS
REALLY HOPE IT FEELS GOOD
...
Austin
“we are only staying here for two hrs”
why are there finger prints on the tv screen? you’ve been stroking the discovery channel again havent you come read this box of oatmeal with me trying to find animal products and additives oh hey did you listen to that band i shared on your wall oh no its ok do it at your leisure when are we going to comb downtown for new sushi spots?
my phone...
Michael O'Brien
bob dylan’s hairline concussion pin cushion whoopee cushion seven seen as one contusion con-carne don lucian ron howard pompon pontoon platoon blood fusion yonder brugge son /*********************\
Keith Higginbotham
tick cigarette: sea
minutes water to suffrage
america Yeah post-war: the façade for
quiet history
all listen Yeah howl head nights: calling
you
Baby, those
footprints boomers get—
poles & antiquity, a street around
rhythm & all
all road from lenses on
Nigel Pierson
Barely Audibly
I sit here Talk to you for hours Through a machine Where all of my words can be seen
You don’t know my voice It probably sounds better In your head As you read my words
If I sat in front of you Face to face IRL Would our conversations carry Or just fade away
*U*U*U*U*U*U*U
Nigel Pierson
C. Brandon Watts
punter
. it’s true. the orgasmatron has suffered a setback, no more “let bygones be orgones,” it’s true. we’re spinning and throbbing gasoline dreams at the heart of the universe. it’s true. your poetry is final. your poetry is cumulative. your poetry wears nibs and spatters health with every liquid step. your poetry is deep-fried for palatability but is...
Matt Margo
a topical poem
it is the beginning of the summer
and everywhere feels too hot
the ice cream truck circles its usualroute
with a lonesome echo
its jingle keeps asking
“hello?”
as if to beg for the attention of thistired city
the kids are tired and the kids’ handsare exhausted
the snow cones are desperate to melt
melting over sweaty fingers
or melting over thirsty tongues
mixing with...
Spencer Selby
Spencer Selby has performed his work in many North American cities and in Europe. He is the author of eight poetry books, five compilations of visual work and a study of film noir. He currently lives in Ames, Iowa.
Ivvie Shellhorn
Haha well I can just tell you a bit about myself. My name is Ivvie (obviously), I am 19 and live in Seattle, and I run a tumbler called Accidental Poetry from my dorm room. ivviethepoet.tumblr.com.
Dick Jones
ISN’T THAT WHAT HOLDEN DID? Or - Selected quotes from a conversation between two people who hate OkCupid and met on OkCupid and got drunk for 3 hours on a Saturday night in a non-sexual way. - “I heard hookers end up just talking to their clients. That’s what I’d do if I paid for one.” ‘Isn’t that what Holden Caulfield did?’ —— “What do you think happens on a...
Tom Stein
Fallen Mask
I saw a girl cry today. It’s always really scary in a way. I mean, it made my heart sink kind of. It was a girl I thought was really very happy, or at least should have been. From the outside looking in, of course, she seemed smart, social, and relatively stable with a tolerable home life. But I guess you really can’t judge a book by its cover, no matter how silly that...
Cayla Lockwood
Cayla Lockwood is a person making things with words. She lives in Syracuse, NY. You can see her things here: http://ohyesitsladiesnight.tumblr.com/
lazzzyandoh
music i like
i feel that at this point in my life
as an almost twenty three year old male
the music i like would be in the CD binder
of a ‘fairly’ alternative older sister
probably somewhere in between
‘mainstream’ and ‘alternative’
probably in junior or senior year
who wears converse, skinny jeans and
a studded belt she bought at a skateboard store
...
Nathan Springer
dear god, there are field mice crawling all over me hey listen up i’m only going to say this twice i am a field mouse i am a field mouse thousand foot tall sunflowers and wheat growing everywhere
there are homeworks eating my soul, it is the demon of this generation i watch the moon from the library, i love it at daytime when the moon is out knoxville cries, there is literally homework...
C.P.
————
If someone is in your dream, — the child, the adult, the wise self, a fundamental part of our culture, lost in a nutshell. The reason is that there are some psychological biases which virtually no one escapes. A dream is actually nothing other than a room where someone is sleeping.
=====
her body “froze” there white her chest not moving , like a...
June 2012
7 posts
1st issue will be out on july 4th.
That’s right you cool hipsters, the first issue of hipster jesus unicorn will be out on july 4th. just in time to celebrate independence day, which of course was the day jesus set us free from the english.
The submission deadline is July 1st. hope all you cool cats can meet that deadline cause otherwise jesus will cry with his unicorns.
have fun and remember jesus loevs you.
2 tags
tumblrbot asked: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?
1 tag
Hey there. Hipster Jesus Unicorn is now accepting...
If you think ur cool enough submit your stuff to hipsterjesusunicorn@gmail.com.
say hello if you’d like, it’s not required though.
submit up to 4 poems, however only 3 will be used if you are a chosen one.
if you are submitting prose, submit up to 2 pieces and both may be used.
Image macros are a whole different story. submit as many as you like and they might all be used.
Any...
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